Virgos don't wear emotions on their sleeves - you wear them INSIDE your body in the form of hives, headaches, or indigestion. You're not the type to act out in some emotional outburst. Messy, right? Virgo: Dies of Undiagnosable Stress-Rashįeeling uneasy, Virgo? Of course you are! Not that anyone would know it. You're more likely to kick it taking a selfie while crossing an intersection, or flipping that gorgeous mane of yours over your shoulder ,right into the closing doors of a subway car. Not that anyone stops to look at nature anymore. Beware of those good looks though remember how Narcissus drowned staring at his reflection in the water? That could have been you. You're just really, really, really attractive and you know it. People might call you conceited but you're not, Leo. Leo: Hair Stuck In Subway Doors, Mid-Flirtatious Gesture A lot of people are actually way more capable than you.Ĭhances are, you'll kick the bucket tackling a task you aren't equipped to handle, like fixing a hole in your roof because “everyone's trying to rip you off,” or taking self-prescribed mood changers because “therapy is too expensive." On the bright side, you can also pay for your own funeral with all the money you saved playing Mr. I know you truly believe that no one is as capable as you, but actually though, a lot of people are. Cancer: Falling Of The Roof, Yelling, “I'LL FIX IT MYSELF!”Ĭancer, you are entirely too self-reliant. They'll probably thank you for the distraction. Gemini's are great at multi-tasking, so bleeding profusely while listening to a story is right up their alley. Do it quick, before their life force runs dry. While they bleed out, you can read them this article. If you take them on a date to the zoo, they'll reach into the bars of the monkey house and get their hands ripped off. Geminis are very curious, express curiosity by touching things. Gemini: Hands Bitten OffĮvery sign in astrology has a ruling body part. Unless of course you're too late, and poor Taurus is found clinging to a dead cat under a pile of dusty books & antique cooking spoons. They gather up stuff like germs on a first-grader, and getting rid of it might require a reality TV crew, or possibly even an exorcism. They're very cute people, with their cherub faces, wide eyes and cutesy knick-knacks. Taurus: Buried AliveĪll Taurus people love their things. As they lived, so they will die: enthusiastically and without caution. Whether it happens on a jet ski, motorcycle, or in the middle of some very rapid rebound sex, their death bound to be a tour-de-force departure an Expiration Celebration, if you will.
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When an Aries kicks the bucket, you'd better believe they're gonna do it going fast. Just trying to lighten the mood before I tell you all how you're going to die.
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What I'm saying is what makes life so funny is that it's all meaningless! Hilarious, right? You might even come back again as another person, having forgotten about yourself now. Everything you've ever done or said or worried about will be forgotten. I wear my life like a loose garment! When the cold hand of death comes pointing it's bony finger at me, I'll open my arms, twirling and laughing like I'm in a shampoo commercial. I've spent years obsessing about death and the meaninglessness of life, but like, in a fun way. You know, you don't have to wear a lot of eyeliner or have sex in a graveyard to be a goth on the inside. Have you ever wondered to yourself, how will I die?